When I was 12 or so, I began having a passion for God. The retreat I went to in 8th grade had a theme or sub theme about being on fire for God. Some people told me that spiritual highs last only like a week and then it goes away. I was like "no way!" And it really was amazing. If I were asked what age I'd go back to, I would usually say 5 to be a kid and have fun, but I really would go back to 8th or 9th grade. I enjoyed learning about God sooo much. And being a kid I had so much energy and excitement. In 9th grade, someone else just became a believer and she and I loved sharing our passion for God. It really was child-like faith. I think of Revelations 2 and how the church of Ephesus was exhorted for losing their first love. That's me and a lot of us as we are older and our faith becomes just dead. Where is the excitement and joy? The most cheerful people I know in my life are those who really treasure the gospel. I'm jealous of their joy and cheerfulness. Life isn't all that well for them, but they are able to cling back to the simple gospel that Jesus died for them despite their sins, and they have all that they need, basically Jesus.
I thank God for sustaining me these past 15 plus years in the faith. It definitely is not by my doing. I could easily fall away, God isn't visible the way I wish, God doesn't work the way I wish He would. Life has become less exciting, He has become less exciting, I feel He's playing games. But He is God, He is good. He draws me back and I don't know why other than He has chosen me to be His child.
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