http://www.desiringgod.org/interviews/the-major-obstacle-in-forgiving-others
The key is how important and how satisfying to us is the fact that God knows we have been hurt, that God understands and God attends to us. God feels with us. He is a merciful high priest. Is that enough? What this showed me was how deeply my heart tends to be oriented on other people more than it is oriented on God.
I don't think this means not confronting when there is sin, but am I upset because this person hurt me and want this person to feel guilty for hurting me? When we are sorrowful for our own sins, is it because we hurt others or because we hurt God? (2 Corinthians 7) And how do we want the other to see to it when they sin? That they hurt us or that they are in sin and we desire restoration? There are so many nuances to forgiveness.
Most of all I know I won't be perfect in this. I tend to want acknowledgement that I was hurt and for some retribution. Hm, quite selfish. Yet I have to think of God's forgiveness for me. How often do I hurt Him over and over? I cannot forgive anyone by my own strength, but by His and remembering I needed forgiveness much more than this requires. God can have expectations and entitlement from us, but who are we? and it is silly to think we have entitlement over others.
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