forgive

The test of my love for God can be determined by how willing I am to forgive others.

http://www.desiringgod.org/interviews/the-major-obstacle-in-forgiving-others

The key is how important and how satisfying to us is the fact that God knows we have been hurt, that God understands and God attends to us. God feels with us. He is a merciful high priest. Is that enough? What this showed me was how deeply my heart tends to be oriented on other people more than it is oriented on God.

I don't think this means not confronting when there is sin, but am I upset because this person hurt me and want this person to feel guilty for hurting me? When we are sorrowful for our own sins, is it because we hurt others or because we hurt God? (2 Corinthians 7) And how do we want the other to see to it when they sin? That they hurt us or that they are in sin and we desire restoration? There are so many nuances to forgiveness.

Most of all I know I won't be perfect in this. I tend to want acknowledgement that I was hurt and for some retribution. Hm, quite selfish. Yet I have to think of God's forgiveness for me. How often do I hurt Him over and over? I cannot forgive anyone by my own strength, but by His and remembering I needed forgiveness much more than this requires. God can have expectations and entitlement from us, but who are we? and it is silly to think we have entitlement over others.

Guatemala Wheels for the World

It's only been a month since my trip to Guatemala, but it has become a distant memory. The most frustrating part was not being able to speak the language. Spanish! I should know it, so many people around me know it. Even my relatives can speak it fluently.

This was a different kind of missions trip I've been on, serving as a seating therapist. It has been five years since I went on my last overseas missions trip. We think of missions as sharing the gospel. And it is, but with the language barrier I had a hard time and barely was able to say "God loves you". I had to learn to pray and had to learn that God is the one who changes hearts. Thankfully the surrounding churches were able to share with them. God loves people. I learned that God is the one who changes hearts. I can barely change my own heart or change close friends' hearts, how can I change a stranger's?
It was neat to see how disability world is like in another country. There is much love and there is much brokenness. We cannot be so focused on our lives when there are lives all around us and thousand of miles away too. We are puny but God is God of the world. He somehow cares for every individual. We are so insignificant in thinking we can do much. Now I'm just thinking out loud.

My move to SoCal for occupational therapy school wasn't an easy one internally. I'm not the best at moving and each time I did it took me years to see it not as an accident or mistake. While on this trip, I remember seeing God's sovereignty to where He led me to where I should be. Somehow I felt a sense of peace that this one week was meant to be and worth the move down. Maybe this was just emotions, but He gave me that sense of peace. I guess home is where we feel we are where we belong or doing the right thing. And faithfulness unto the Lord, fellowshiping with Him, expressing His love toward others whether through serving, giving, praying, sharing the gospel are what make us feel most alive.

A story I shared in my personal updates to people, but is most precious is the story about a father's love: The son appeared upset, flailed his arms, kicked, screamed, couldn’t communicate, and wouldn’t settle down. So the father tried thing after thing to comfort his son but nothing calmed him down. But he loved his son unconditionally. This is like our Father’s love. God loves us, despite our sins, despite our flailing of arms, despite our rebellion. What a love. That’s our inspiration of love.
1 John 3:1 "See how great a love the Father has bestowed on us, that we would be called children of God; and such we are."

I love love love the doctrine on adoption and although I don't know it fully well, it melts my heart to think of how God adopts us as His children.

This is not exactly a missions update and I know the memories of this trip will fade quickly, but I do not want to forget the lessons learned.