Anyway, I just wanted to write about the amazing power of the Holy Spirit that I often doubt. I often doubt in how my sins can be overcome in this sanctifying process. Sin can manifest itself and by the time I realize it, I ask how did I even get here and I don't even know how to change my mind about it. I hear pastors and teachers and friends saying, "Don't listen to yourself, talk to yourself." haha at the beginning I thought that was the same thing, but no... I didn't realize listening to myself is just basing things on my feelings and my feelings are often based off of myself and nothing concrete. Anything based apart from the Word is more than likely to be sin. I need to talk to myself with the Word and remind myself of the promises of the Lord and train the way I think. I thought I've train myself well enough, but it's so easy to slip and get into the desires of the flesh. It's a continual process of prayer and hard work.
"I can do all things through Him who strengthens me" -Philippians 4:13.
When I see this happening through others, how they grow and overcome sins I did not believe they would be able to, it brings me the greatest joy. When I see professions of faith (like through baptism), I am extremely delighted. When I see the work of God in missions and how sovereign He is over nations I never cared about, I see why God still wants the believers to be on the earth. I guess I can have my extremes of wanting or not to live at times. I can think of these things and be excited about life... which is a good thing b/c usually I'm not. This can seem to be a driving force for me to live. And then there are times where I'm disgusted by the futility and boredom of the world and just wish heaven were here. I find it difficult to desire heaven for the fact of having perfect fellowship with the perfect person. Heaven without God is not heaven.
And even when I grow to desire heaven more because of God instead of just fellowship with believers I do not think I'll ever be fully satisfied on earth. When I am happy in the Lord and thankful for the salvation He has provided for me, I will not be satisfied because I am still here on earth and my body will groan to be where He is.
"And not only this, but we ourselves, having the first fruits of the Spirit, even we ourselves groan within ourselves, waiting eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our body." Romans 8:23 We groan within ourselves because although we know we have been adopted, we must await the redemption of our bodies, which is when we shall be like Christ. Only then will our adoption be complete." (MacArthur)
Actually I do not know what my point of writing this was, but I've come to the conclusion that even if I think correctly about the Lord and that to live is Christ, I will not be completely satisfied because we were not created for separation and we are just waiting for the day that we will see the Lord face-to-face.
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