Summer is coming to an end

I’ve never looked forward to ending summer this much. But I enjoyed parts of it and I will share two:

One highlight is my sweet Melody getting married!

It is by far my favorite wedding. The whole weekend with rehearsal lunch which entailed pretty much like a class hangout throughout the day, then the next day just getting ready with my class girls and others, taking pictures, sitting right next to the beautiful bride at dinner… what a wonderful weekend. And to have been able to see Melody and Peter grow from just friends to their dating relationship to now marriage is such a privilege… especially when I may not have approved in the beginning ;) But I wholeheartedly approve now.

Now they're in New York and it is amazing where God leads us.


By the way, the prime rib was delicious and big.

And the view was beautiful

 
This video is one of the few things that make me smile these days, I don't think they'd mind me sharing =)
http://vimeo.com/71535491

And for some reason it makes me think of John 3:29-30
He who has the bride is the bridegroom; but the friend of the bridegroom, who stands and hears him, rejoices greatly because of the bridegroom’s voice. So this joy of mine has been made full. He must increase, but I must decrease.

The second part of summer is actually the mundane, seemingly ordinary conversations. In the booklet from my college fellowship's senior banquet a few years back, I said one thing I enjoyed most was meeting up with people. And so this summer, it has been those times with friends and family and children at church - the simple high five, hug, smile, poke, laugh, encouragement, comment that are extraordinary, as well as talking on the kitchen floor, lying on the ground, climbing a tree like we're a hundred years old, discussing theology or food. I don't crave for big events like I did when I was young to feel like I'm alive. I crave to see God in the ordinary things.  (I'm not disclaiming big events) It could be Joni and Friends-like every day; it just takes more effort to see the Lord in the ordinary times, but He is there and here.

it was a glimpse of heaven (continued)

I am not sure what happened with my last post. I must've really been sleepy and just cut the post short with no connection with the last paragraph to the rest of the post.
I think my point was, being in a hospital where the patients can very well be me in 10, 20 years or tomorrow, I am more keen to the futility or vapor-like life before me. It still boggles my mind how heaven, a place of perfection and great joy, can best be tasted on this side of eternity through weakness, disability, and brokenness, not wealth, comfort, or entertainment that's meant to stimulate our minds. But again, I think the answer is we sense God's presence more in those times because we know we need Him more. God's presence is what makes heaven, heaven. And well, maybe in trials God seems quite distant, but the desperation in our cries just hits the spot with truth regarding our state before God.

Ok, that's it for now. Hope that made a better ending to the previous post.

it was a glimpse of heaven

it was a glimpse of heaven

Just some thoughts after Joni and Friends Retreat. (draft)

In contrast to my emotions after JAF in high school, I don’t have that longing feeling of wishing it were once again JAF week. With the reality that JAF would end I thought more of what does this retreat even mean?

The more I’m aware of my sins, the more I see my depraved state before God. As I have grown in the Lord and know more of His love and abundant grace, the more (I hope) I love Him. So the worship time in past years at JAF was great, but I never sensed that “glimpse of heaven” until this year. I felt emotions in the past, but emotions void of Truth can be quite futile. I think I’ve learned things from JAF a little later than most people. But I am glad I got a sense of what desperate joyful souls may look like at worship. I do love many mellow worship songs, but even so, where is the passion? Where is the love? I may think - I don’t want to pretend I love God or be too noticeable so people won’t be distracted by arm movements or swaying of the body to the worship songs. But when I’m excited about some good food, do I give a straight face and say “ -_- Let’s eat some meat” so that I would not bring attention to myself? Or “K That puppy is cute”. No, there’s some jumping and thrill in the face and shoving of friends to get their attention. Not that I’m there where I am not self-conscious about how I am in the worship hall where it really can be a distraction. And everyone has their way of worshipping, I for sure don’t move more than a few inches. But I must say for a person who doesn’t dance or know how to, worship time is a time my body is most excited to dance. Glad I am less afraid to do so at JAF.

JAF was a glimpse of heaven, but why can’t it be like this every week? And not just in regards to the worship time, but the serving and loving and putting others’ interests above our own? It is rare for us to serve those who may not be able to give back. And not just in terms of ministry. It is quite easy to serve in a ministry because the motivation may be from duty and physical results may be seen even with a lack of love. But to serve at your own will because of love, that is rare. Well, maybe it isn’t rare, but rare in my life at least.

Now, working in the hospital where I see patients who received their disability at an older age, I have had more realities hit me. These patients can very well be one of us. We all also will one day be old and many of us will have some sort of disease, it’s just the timing and those who get it earlier have a head start on dealing with them.

Sleepiness is getting to me… so maybe more to come? Or maybe not.

A glimpse of heaven

It’s that time again where we will be going to a place we have now called “a glimpse of heaven”. I haven’t been to Joni and Friends (JAF) Family Retreat in four years and I feel like a different person than when I went in high school. JAF was always a place of fun and excitement, and I’m sure it will again. Knowing the centrality of the Gospel has made me even more aware of and concern for people’s souls, whether it’s the families’ or even the volunteers’. And maybe I will need to learn much too as I’ve always been humbled by the lives of these families affected by disabilities. I am not sure what to think of JAF coming up this week. Is it a mission field or a retreat for myself or both? But I know God is sovereign and He will work mightily regardless. I’ve posted this quote before but I like it:

"One of my renaissance experiences was to get among kids who were on a different spiritual level than my own, and enjoy fellowship with them. I found a very subtle snare in so doing. I sought their fellowship in order that I might minister to them, 'be a help,' you know, to the 'weaker' ones. What a rebuke came when I sensed my real motive - that I might minister. Love hacks right at this, for she refused to parade herself. I learned to recognize no 'spiritual planes,' but simply to love, purely, in every group. Trying to 'be a help' even has a smell of good works in it, for it is not pure. Our motive is only to be - do nothing, know nothing, act nothing - just to be a sinful bit of flesh, born of a Father's love." 

-Shadow of the Almighty

I know it’ll be a special time. But why is it a glimpse of heaven? Is it because the worship time is more alive? Is it because there’s so much laughter, games, free time, cute kids running around?

Maybe it’s because these families affected by disabilities are more in tune to reality, the state of who we are as desperate people before the universe’s Almighty God. I added this verse to the top of this blog as a reminder of what we are to do:

For we are powerless before this great multitude who are coming against us; nor do we know what to do, but our eyes are on You. 

2 Chronicles 20:12

Oh to See You

Christ, the King of every age
Enthroned in light ere worlds were made
Come in mortal flesh divine
Into our dark came heaven’s light

Hanging on a cross of shame
I see the wounds my hands have made
“Forgive them Father,” now He cries
And with a breath my Savior dies

Oh to see you, Jesus, I can hardly wait
To behold Your wounds of grace
To express my love and thank You face to face
My heart is Yours, for You I long

Look into His empty grave
The bonds of death could not constrain
Sin and fear and death are dead
For Christ arose and crushed their head

Coming soon to claim His Bride
All the redeemed He’ll purify
We’ll need no sun or moon to shine
For the Lamb will be our light!

© 2012 Sovereign Grace Worship (ASCAP)

"Yes, I am coming quickly." Amen. Come, Lord Jesus.
Revelation 22:20

Nor Cal, we meet again

    

until next time...

convictions

I wonder why God doesn't make things black and white. Why are there gray area issues where I have to think? Whether they are in terms of drinking, holding hands when dating, moving for school, or even doing the color run (haha yes, had to go through that)... and whatever else... it's a pain to me at least to have to figure out what's best. Don't want to be legalistic. Don't want to make mistakes. Don't want to stumble another. What's the right way to think? It drove me crazy the first time my convictions conflicted with a close friend. I don't even remember what the issue was... but what I learned then and now is that one thing it caused me to do is love. Romans 14 and 1 Corinthians 8 are passages that talk about our liberties. And even though I have not studied on this topic, and I know there are books out there, just from reading these passages, it shows me that we should do things with the motive to please the Lord. We must be convinced in our mind.

5 One person regards one day above another, another regards every day alike. Each person must be fully convinced in his own mind. 6 He who observes the day, observes it for the Lord, and he who eats, does so for the Lord, for he gives thanks to God; and he who eats not, for the Lord he does not eat, and gives thanks to God. 7 For not one of us lives for himself, and not one dies for himself; 8 for if we live, we live for the Lord, or if we die, we die for the Lord; therefore whether we live or die, we are the Lord’s. 9For to this end Christ died and lived again, that He might be Lord both of the dead and of the living. (Romans 14)

 And it goes on saying to not stumble our brothers for whom Christ died. Overall, these issues causes us to think and work through... for the sake of loving our God and our brethren. So I guess it is worth it despite all the brain energy =P