Chapter 1 Love Tanks with a Leak
Many Christians responded by saying that a better treatment for codependency is to know that God loves you more than you think. God can fill you with love, so you don’t have to be filled by other people. This certainly is better than the exhortation to love yourself more, but – and this might sound controversial – even this answer is incomplete. The love of God can be a profound answer to just about any human struggle, but sometimes we can use it in such a way that it becomes a watered down version of profoundly rich truth. For example, sometimes, because of shortcomings in us rather than Scripture, this answer misses the call to “consider others better than yourselves” (Phil 2:3), or it ignores personal repentance. (18)
To really understand the roots of the fear of man, we must begin to ask the right questions. Instead of “How can I feel better about myself and not be controlled by what people think?” a better question is “Why am I so concerned about self-esteem?” or “Why do I have to have someone – even Jesus – think that I am great?” (19)
Chapter 2 “People Will See Me”
The massive interest in self-esteem and self-worth exists because it is trying to help us with a real problem. The problem is that we really are not okay. We truly are deficient. The problem is, in part, our nakedness before God.
Chapter 3 “People Will Reject Me”
Only people-lovers are able to confront. Only people-lovers are not controlled by other people Paul indicated to the Galatians that if he were still trying to please men, he would not be a servant of God (Gal 1:10).
But people are our idol of choice. They are worshiped because we perceive that they have power to give us something. We think they can bless us.
Chapter 5 “The World Wants me to Fear People”
“Love your neighbor as yourself” (Matt 19:19) is considered the biblical proof text. When interpreted through cultural spectacles, this verse means that we must love ourselves in order to love other people. But in reality the passage doesn’t even suggest such an interpretation. Jesus spoke these words to a rich young man who clearly loved himself and his possessions too much. There is only one command in the passage and it is “love your neighbor.” Nobody, including the writers of Scripture, could have dreamed that this passage taught self-love.
The Bible rightly understood, asks the question, “Why are you so concerned about yourself?” Furthermore, it indicates that our culture’s proposed cure – increased self-love – is actually the disease. If we fail to recognize the reality and depth of our sin problem, God will become less important, and people will become more important. (81)
Can you hear the way our culture encourages the fear of man? “Needs” or “rights” lead irresistibly into fear of man. We’ve seen that whatever you think you need, you come to fear. If you “need” love (to feel okay about yourself), you will soon be controlled by the one who dispenses love. (87)
Meanwhile, the Christian church has been listening to all that the world has been saying… But just because I feel a “need” to be loved doesn’t mean that this desire is really a “God-given need,” a “legitimate need”, or a “primal need.”
