it was a glimpse of heaven
Just some thoughts after Joni and Friends Retreat. (draft)
In contrast to my emotions after JAF in high school, I don’t
have that longing feeling of wishing it were once again JAF week. With the
reality that JAF would end I thought more of what does this retreat even mean?
The more I’m aware of my sins, the more I see my depraved
state before God. As I have grown in the Lord and know more of His love and
abundant grace, the more (I hope) I love Him. So the worship time in past years
at JAF was great, but I never sensed that “glimpse of heaven” until this year. I
felt emotions in the past, but emotions void of Truth can be quite futile. I think
I’ve learned things from JAF a little later than most people. But I am glad I
got a sense of what desperate joyful souls may look like at worship. I do love
many mellow worship songs, but even so, where is the passion? Where is the
love? I may think - I don’t want to pretend I love God or be too noticeable so
people won’t be distracted by arm movements or swaying of the body to the
worship songs. But when I’m excited about some good food, do I give a straight
face and say “ -_- Let’s eat some meat” so that I would not bring attention to
myself? Or “K
That puppy is cute”. No, there’s some jumping and thrill in the face and
shoving of friends to get their attention. Not that I’m there where I am not
self-conscious about how I am in the worship hall where it really can be a
distraction. And everyone has their way of worshipping, I for sure don’t move
more than a few inches. But I must say for a person who doesn’t dance or know
how to, worship time is a time my body is most excited to dance. Glad I am less
afraid to do so at JAF.
JAF was a glimpse of heaven, but why can’t it be like this
every week? And not just in regards to the worship time, but the serving and loving
and putting others’ interests above our own? It is rare for us to serve those
who may not be able to give back. And not just in terms of ministry. It is
quite easy to serve in a ministry because the motivation may be from duty and
physical results may be seen even with a lack of love. But to serve at your own
will because of love, that is rare. Well, maybe it isn’t rare, but rare in my
life at least.
Now, working in the hospital where I see patients who
received their disability at an older age, I have had more realities hit me.
These patients can very well be one of us. We all also will one day be old and
many of us will have some sort of disease, it’s just the timing and those who
get it earlier have a head start on dealing with them.
Sleepiness is getting to me… so maybe more to come? Or maybe
not.
