Enduring (The Scent of Water)

"The gospel of John tells the story of the death of Lazarus, the brother of Martha and of Mary - the one who would later, with tears of joy pour perfume on Jesus' feet and wipe them with her hair in an act of worship. Jesus would defend her and honor her. But first came another encounter.

Lazarus became sick, and the sister immediately sent word to Jesus. They believed in him and knew he could do miracles. They must have thought he would come right away, but he didn't. He waited. And during that time, Lazarus died.

When the sisters heard that Jesus was finally coming, Martha ran out to meet him, but Mary stayed inside. I wonder if she felt betrayed. She had believed in him; she had called on him. But he seemingly ignored her. He didn't show up in time for something that meant life to her.

The Bible tells us that Martha returned inside and told Mary that Jesus was calling for her. Instantly, she stood up and ran out to him. I picture this wounded little girl, her head resting on a table, sobbing because her heart is hurting. She feels abandoned by the one person she put her faith in. She felt hurt, perhaps even angry. She hears that he is near, but she doesn't go to him. After all, he had forgotten about her.

But then she hears that he called for her by name, and she quickly goes to him. Maybe she knew that the one she had felt betrayed by was the only one who could comfort her. Maybe when Jesus called for her, she knew it meant that he had not forgotten her.

And so Mary goes to Jesus and falls at his feet, weeping. One day, she would fall at his feet in humility, knowing he had saved her, but first, she would fall at his feet, pouring out a broken heart, thinking he had betrayed her. She had experienced enormous loss - a loss that she believes he could have prevented. Jesus takes one look at her as she weeps, and the Bible tells us he was deeply troubled. And what did he do? He cried, even though he knew that life was about to be resurrected and her pain relieved. But first, he wept right along with her.

How much, then, would Jesus grieve with one who must endure loss? Would he also say, "Where have you put him?" And would she show him, not the grave, but her heart? And he would come and sit by this tomb and weep. For twenty years - for ever."

The Scent of Water by Naomi Zacharias (Chapter 9 Enduring)

The other day I saw a kid who had a really hard time listening. It wasn't a typical controllable defiance, but yelling and screaming. All would be well if the would calmly listen. I wasn't even asking a lot from him, but that he would pick up what he dropped on the floor.

It reminded me of the fact that that is probably us towards God. We resist His ways and ignore His voice the moment He speaks.

It helps me attempt to love this boy despite his defiance. And it makes me appreciate God's love more when I am ignore His ways and commands for my good.

B M H

This may be not be very flowy, but I will write bits of reflection I have. Will be quite long but worth your read (I hope!)

Having dealt with all types of behaviors and disabilities at work, I was not expecting anything too surprising for the first day. After lunch on the first day, one of my girls led us to the convenience store and started grabbing a snack and a drink, but we said she could not have them. She fell to the ground and had a tantrum. That was surprising to me. She also did not have verbal expression so she communicated by vocalizing and gesturing. With the language barrier, I had a harder time being firm with her. My poor ability to speak Mandarin was one of my “disability”. What was interesting was they also did not speak too much and so we were building our relationship with limited verbal expression and it still worked! Ultimately it was not my work experience that helped me get through but God’s grace and His strength upon us.

Each group had 1 or 2 translators and one or two kids. In my family group, I had one translator and two kids. My translator is a believer and it was really neat to work together with her. We got to pray during meal time. In the mornings she read her Bible and one of them has a good memory, prompted her by gesturing to have her read for a couple of the mornings. We did not get to share much about God with the kids, but I pray that they remember the love and us praying and reading the Bible in the future.

I initially struggled before the trip wondering how will we share about God with our kids and translators in China where sharing may be illegal. I felt at peace that maybe God just wants us to care for and love these children. He will reveal Himself to them in His ways. 

By the third day, all the volunteers were pretty exhausted and various difficulties have come up. However, that afternoon during break, I read Mark 4:35-41 which was the story of Jesus calming the storm. It reminded me that God is sovereign over all things, even nature, our hearts, and just everything happening at the camp. For these children as well, their lives may be a storm and there is so much uncertainties for their future. What will happen with them after the camp? Will they ever be adopted? Will they have a good family? Will they be ok in the future? Will they come to know God? Will they recognize His love for them? Yet I can hope in the fact that God is sovereign and compassionate over their lives. Being a little bit older, I tried to view things more as a parent. Usually, at work I would want to have the kids do things as independent as they could - like dressing, putting away their dishes, picking up their trash, etc. But I thought about, what would a parent do? Maybe they would want them to be independent but maybe they also would show love by serving them by dressing, putting away their dishes, picking up their trash, etc. I am thankful that we got to spend the time in China for a week to "visit the orphans" . We may ask, what does God want us to do and what can we do? This camp was an active way of obeying what God wants. It is His grace to have commanded us to visit the orphans. He has not forgotten them. “Religion that is pure and undefiled before God the Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world.” James 1:27 

There was a point when I evaluated my life and like how the apostle Paul loved his people a lot to want to switch places, I wanted to switch places in a sense and let them experience a life full of love and blessings and knowing God.

On the last day we were there, it felt like one minute I was having lunch with my girls, and then next minute they were on the bus out of my sight. It felt too sudden. It was an emotional time for all of us, but our camp director who was full of tears said when we are emotional and not know what to do, we need to respond to God and lift these things to Him. So we had a time of worship after which was real sweet and perfect. 

I have heard a lot about China growing up. I remember learning that it was a closed off place to Christianity. I think of “Safely Home” by Randy Alcorn and the persecution that have been in China. I remember hearing of stories how people have to pray with their eyes open or be very careful when they are in their underground churches. It was really neat to worship in China and to meet believers in China. It reminded me that God is ever-present in China.

There is so much more but I will leave it to this for now.

pro-

I had thought about the difference between pro-life and pro-choice. Pro-choice says they are for the women and their choice and right to do what they want with their bodies. Pro-life says they are for the protection of life. We also know that regardless of the positions, there are babies and humans in general who die even if the choice was to keep that life. So what is above life? Even if we are pro-life, not all lives are saved because of natural illnesses and accidents. Maybe the perspectives differ more on pro-God or anti-God whatever the political positions may be. Naturally you'd lean one way or another because you are looking at what God wants.

Stories

I love a good movie or a good book although I have not read a good book in awhile. Mainly because I have not been really reading. Movies with a great plot, good twist, good build up, nice music are wonderful! I recently rewatched the first Captain America movie which came out 2011. I didn't realize the significance of certain events that lead to the recent Avengers: Infinity War movie. They did a great job building up to Infinity War and all the connections.

Lately, however, I have not loved loved a movie. I enjoy the suspense and the climax, but the greatest twist has still been the Bible. How God planned since the beginning of time for these moments now and then for future moments forever. The Fall outlined the gospel, the Exile from Egypt, the prophesies, then in His perfect timing, Jesus came to the earth. And that isn't just a movie, it's real life! In movies, actors are directed, given a script, etc. Somehow God gives people free will yet He is sovereign over them and events still happen the way He planned. So crazy!

2017

2017 has been the most jarring year of my life. Death surrounded me as friends' parents passed, my own father gone, Christian figures leaving this world, a child I worked with weekly passed, hospitalizations, broken friendships having closure, the world not making sense, faith tested, doubts of God's goodness. How do people who suffer more or big Christian figures who've passed (Nabeel and Sproul) have such faith and fight for God's truth adamantly? Only God's grace sustained me, and as I look back I have no idea how I would go through these things again. His truths seem so foreign yet He reminds me of them daily. How could the simple fact that Jesus is God and came die for people seem so meaningless when it is all of life? Although I may not "feel" it, it is His grace and doing that I trust in the One I cannot see. 

So many lessons learned and to be learned. And I don't want life to simply be a "lesson" and thankfully it isn't. As much as I feel like God is merely testing me, He isn't. 
Dorthy Sayers says:

“For whatever reason God chose to make man as he is— limited and suffering and subject to sorrows and death—He had the honesty and the courage to take His own medicine. Whatever game He is playing with His creation, He has kept His own rules and played fair. He can exact nothing from man that He has not exacted from Himself. He has Himself gone through the whole of human experience, from the trivial irritations of family life and the cramping restrictions of hard work and lack of money to the worst horrors of pain and humiliation, defeat, despair and death. When He was a man, He played the man. He was born in poverty and died in disgrace and thought it well worthwhile.”

Psalm 23 reminds me that God is sovereign, He loves us, He is with me.

The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want.

He makes me lie down in green pastures.

He leads me beside still waters.

He restores my soul.

He leads me in paths of righteousness

for his name’s sake.

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,

I will fear no evil,

for you are with me;

your rod and your staff,

they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me

in the presence of my enemies;

you anoint my head with oil;

my cup overflows.

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me

all the days of my life,

and I shall dwell in the house of the LORD

forever.

This world is short and is not our home. I need not to worry circumstances nor what I look like to people. In my doubts of God I saw myself the worse of sinners. How can I look myself above others who are struggling, doubting God, weak in their faith when I was the weakest?
I hope this post will remind me in the future of God's faithfulness and that life is still about God when all appears to have gone wrong and the world attempts to hide or ignore Him. Our Holy Almighty Loving Just God is worth it and deserves all the glory. Now to live it and believe as so...

What is God doing?

From New Morning Mercies by Paul David Tripp. (I highly recommended this devotional)

The difficulties of your life are not in the way of God's plan; they are a tool of it. They're crafted to advance his work of grace.

Perhaps the two most important questions you could ask between your conversion and your final resurrection are:

1. What in the world is God doing right here, right now?
2. How in the world should I respond to what God is doing?

The way that you answer these questions determines, in a real way, the character of your faith and the direction of your life. Consider how James answers these questions in the very first part of his letter:

 Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. 
    If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind. For that person must not suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways. 
    Let the lowly brother boast in his exaltation, and the rich in his humiliation, because like a flower of the grass he will pass away. For the sun rises with its scorching heat and withers the grass; its flower falls, and its beauty perishes. So also will the rich man fade away in the midst of his pursuits. 
    Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him. (1:2-12)

What is God doing in the here and now? He is employing the difficulties of life as tools of grace to produce character in you that would not grow any other way. So your trials are not a sign that god has forgotten you or is being unfaithful to his promises. Rather, they stand as a reminder that he is committed to his grace and will not forsake it - it will complete its work. No, he's not exercising his power to make your life easy. No, he's not at work trying to deliver your particular definition of happiness. He's giving you much more than that - eternally faithful, forgiving, and transforming grace.
And what should your response be? James says, "remain steadfast under trial." Don't become discouraged and give up. Don't listen to the lies of the enemy. Don't forsake your good habits of faith. Don't question God's goodness. Look at your trials and see grace. Behind those difficulties is an ever-present Redeemer who is completing his work.